Unfollowed the World to Follow Me: One Hook Don’t Stop The Scroll

“I’m doing exactly what I was told not to do. On purpose. For me.” - Somebody

I usually do a social media fast for a set amount of time. I come back refreshed, grounded, and then I start doing the same shit that made me take a break in the first place.

I start consuming all the news local, global, and everything in between, to “stay in the know.” I scroll through people’s posts to see what’s on their mind. I try to jump into the groupthink: the trending jokes, the outrage, the viral emotions.

Then my energy drops.

I get overly critical. Angry. Insecure.

And I had to stop and ask myself:

Why do I feel this way? What am I letting in my space?

I realized my trigger wasn’t just the posts, it was me choosing to read what I knew would piss me off. People complaining about stuff I don’t care about. Debates I think are dumb. Black Men vs. Black Women content that feels frivolous and loud. And still, I’d scroll. Still, I’d engage. Still, I’d drain myself.

I’d try to show love to folks I thought were my people by liking, commenting and then feel resentful when they didn’t engage back. I’d post something I thought was deep and feel unseen when it didn’t get traction. I’d get jealous watching folks succeed in lanes I’m not even in. And then feel bad for feeling that way.

I’d wonder, “Why do I care?”

Then suppress that question too.

I worried too much about perception. “Was that post you did about so-and-so?” “Who’s watching?” “Do they see the real me?”

I know I’m sensitive. I feel deeply even when I look cool and collected. And I just got tired of explaining myself to a screen that doesn’t speak back and doesn’t care.

This last break made me rest different.

I’ve been doing shadow work.

I don’t read the news.

I don’t engage in political matters.

If it’s not comedy, bartending, cocktails, spirits, or well-being content, I don’t speak on it. I don’t even know about it.

If someone died or things went viral or sparked debate, I only know if someone tells me. And even then, I let them know, “I don’t care to know. My energy’s too expensive right now.”

I replaced posts with Morning Pages. I take myself on Artist Dates. I focus on my creativity, my career, my actions before courting a future partner, and my highest purpose. I’ve been paying attention to the shadows in me. The parts I was told were “too much.” The parts I thought I had to shrink. I’m learning they aren’t wrong, they’re mine. And I’m done hiding them.

I’m still working. Still becoming better.

Honestly, I only came back to social media to promote events.

I still don’t scroll. Still won’t read.

I’m being selfish. And I love being selfish right now.

If this post gets no likes, koo.

I didn’t write it for likes.

I wrote it for me.

To stop shrinking myself.

To stop pretending I’m super.

To stop acting like me and start being me.

I’m taking risks. Jumping off cliffs. And not worried about the fall because I’m flying. Im about to fly higher.

So let me post.

Let me live.

Let me be proud.

Fin

✌🏾